{"id":21068,"date":"2025-01-14T08:41:24","date_gmt":"2025-01-14T13:41:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nouveau.lesexologue.ca\/blog\/2025\/01\/14\/difference-in-the-level-of-sexual-desire-in-the-couple\/"},"modified":"2026-07-27T13:15:09","modified_gmt":"2026-07-27T17:15:09","slug":"difference-in-the-level-of-sexual-desire-in-the-couple","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nouveau.lesexologue.ca\/en\/blog\/2025\/01\/14\/difference-in-the-level-of-sexual-desire-in-the-couple\/","title":{"rendered":"Difference in the level of sexual desire in the couple"},"content":{"rendered":"

Difference in the level of sexual desire in the couple: How to remedy it?<\/h2>\n
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The difference in sexual desire is one of the most frequent topics in couple therapy<\/a>. Sexual desire is defined as an impulse, an attraction to another person with the intention of engaging in sexual activities, real or imagined. However, each individual has a unique sexual desire that varies according to the moment and context. This desire is influenced by multiple emotional, physical, cultural and psychological factors. In a couple, these differences in sexual desire can create tension, especially when expectations about the frequency or type of sexual relations diverge. There are different types and categories of sexual desire<\/a> , each of which brings its share of dynamics in a couple. The type of sex and how often we would like to have it can be very different from our partner’s. <\/div>\n
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Universal rules of a couple<\/b><\/h3>\n
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In each relationship, there is an artenary P<\/b>with a Fat<\/b> D<\/b>Desire (PGD) and an Artenar P<\/b>with a F<\/b>aible D<\/b>Desire (PFD). In other words, we always end up with one person who wants sex more often than the other. Roles are reversible and change throughout a relationship and can apply to both men and women, regardless of sexual orientation. Generally, at the beginning of a relationship, we see very little difference in our partner. On the other hand, the more time goes by, we start to notice that he has a partner who initiates more often, wants more, avoids it or pretends to like sex. A rule of couple dynamics is that the PFD controls sexuality by choice or not. It controls the when, how, frequency and why of sexuality. They control themselves because it is the partner who wants it the least and therefore they have the choice to accept or refuse to have sex. Most of the time, this is where the bickering and insults begin: <\/div>\n
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\u00b7 You’re frigid<\/div>\n
\u00b7 You never blame it<\/div>\n
\u00b7 You’re an obsessed<\/div>\n
\u00b7 That’s all you think about<\/div>\n
\u00b7 If you stopped wanting as much maybe as I would want if you left me
\nalone<\/div>\n
\u00b7 You don’t love me anymore<\/div>\n
\u00b7 I’ve tried everything and nothing changes<\/div>\n
\u00b7 You’re deceiving me!<\/div>\n
\u00b7 \u2026<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
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The roles between the DMP and the PFD are often reversible and can evolve over time. By learning to discuss sexual desire topics without judgment, partners can establish common ground, reduce frustrations, and rekindle intimacy and complicity in the relationship. For more details on couples therapy, you can consult our page dedicated to couples therapy<\/a>. <\/div>\n
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Understanding the dynamics of sexual desire in the couple<\/h2>\n

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We are a couple, we are supposed to have sex<\/b><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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In the difference in sexual desire, this dynamic is very common in couples who do not know how to deal with rejection in relation to sexuality. He believes that sex owed them or that it is the task of the partner because they are a couple. Typically, the P<\/b>artenar with a G<\/b>rand D<\/b>desir (PGD) will initiate more often and when it has been refused after multiple times, it may become even less desirable. They put all the blame on the partner who has less desire, which makes their situation worse. Some will go even further, where they will stop putting effort into seduction to initiate a sexual relationship, while assuming that the other person will meet their need. If his need is not met, he will put the blame on their partner. <\/div>\n
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The position of the DMP; <\/b>Rejection and isolation<\/b><\/h3>\n
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The DMP acts in this way to protect themselves from the feelings of rejection they feel. When a person has been rejected on several occasions in relation to sexuality, it is very common to start doubting his desirability. The DMP may tend to choose to put less effort into seduction, as it is even more painful to put themselves more vulnerable and be rejected again. The feeling of powerlessness is also very common among DMPs. So, the most common pattern is to start asking the PFD in a detached way or with a lot of resentment or apprehension to have sex. Rather than creating desire in the other by being desirable and seductive yourself. <\/div>\n