Do you know a couple who has had sexual difficulties, a breakdown of desire or the disappearance of libido? It is very likely that you will answer no, because people do not dare to talk about their intimate difficulty with their loved one to those around them. On the other hand, I find myself in my office with a panoply of individuals and couples with the challenges that sexuality brings. <\/p>\n
It is one of the most complex mysteries for a couple to solve to keep the flame in a relationship and maintain sexual satisfaction with the same partner. Some will open up the couple<\/a> to remedy the situation by looking for variety among several sexual partners. On the other hand, for those who prefer monogamy and the benefits it provides, how to get there? What are the challenges and pitfalls of a fulfilling sexuality? If I love my partner, shouldn’t I want him too? <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Everyone desires to be desired because it brings a pleasant feeling of being wanted, appreciated, loved and offers us validation of our person and desirability. Where the situation becomes less desirable is when we feel that the other needs to be<\/strong><\/span><\/em> desired. It is no longer an invitation to sexuality and a sharing of mutual pleasure, but the quest for comfort of a fragile ego. When our partner insists, teases, criticizes, or pressures us to have sex we don’t want, it decreases the sexual desire for him or her even more. We feel the lack of trust and dependence in the other person and without feeling that we are being offered anything in return. <\/p>\n A partner we desire sexually is a person we admire and respect, because he or she shows respect for yourself and for us. Without respect for oneself and for others, there can be no flame of desire. In all couples, there is an artenary P<\/strong>with Desire Higher<\/strong>Desire (PPD)<\/strong> and an Artenary Cartilage Muscle<\/strong>with Desire Less<\/strong>Desire (PMD)<\/strong> which generates a <\/strong>variety of dynamics<\/a>.<\/strong> The PPD<\/strong> often needs<\/span> to be desired, which motivates and justifies its relentlessness. He\/she feels a lot of insecurity about his\/her desirability which can only be comforted by the couple’s PMD<\/strong>. <\/p>\n The PPD does not really desire the PMD, but needs<\/strong> to be desired, which makes him\/her less desirable by that very fact. The PPD has a job to do with respect to self-validation and to feel its own sense of desirability without being hurt by the PMD’s refusal. On the other hand, this is often presented by the PPD, even sometimes by the PMD, as being an immense biological libido that must be answered. If this were really the case, the PPD would not react so insistently and might be satisfied with masturbation if his sexual desire is motivated only by biological impulses. <\/p>\n This explanation and motivation for obtaining a sexual relationship also harms the PMD’s desire for the PPD, because the subtext of it is as follows: I don’t want you, I want sex. You are my partner so you have to meet this need to satisfy me, because we are in a monogamous relationship <\/strong>.<\/p>\n Moving from a need<\/span> to be desired<\/strong> to a desire<\/span><\/em> to be desired<\/strong> allows the PPD to demonstrate more confidence, sexual assertiveness and an invitation to share an intimate moment with the other. This approach, which is more inclusive in one’s sexuality than selfish, eliminates the sex dynamic for pity<\/a> that is regularly found in long-term relationships. <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\nI want to be wanted vs I need to be wanted<\/h2>\n
The PPD paradox<\/h3>\n
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