Sexual desire is one of the most complex and mysterious concepts of human sexuality. The evolution of sexual desire in a person and in a couple is a process that is divided into several stages and does not follow a linear path. This process is specific to each person according to their experiences, values and
perception of sexuality. This text explored the different types of sexual desire and the possible variants in individuals and couples.

A sexual desire can be physiological, which consists of a cocktail of hormones and sensory stimuli (visual, auditory, olfactory, touch, taste) that makes you want to have sexual activities. This category of desire, often referred to as animal or hormonal, appeals to our basic instincts to procreate and also to obtain a physical satisfaction of pleasure. This category can be separated into 2 types. The first, which is nicknamed hygienic , is a sexual desire where you feel sexual tension in your genitals and you want to satisfy your need to release it to get a sense of well-being following sexual activity. This desire can be created by an accumulation of stress that turns into muscle tension in the pelvis that needs to be released. This desire occurs more often in men, but also in women, this type of sexual desire creates a desire to release a certain bodily discomfort that does not require a relational element. The second type is created by a change in hormones that generates a sexual desire for the biological purpose of reproducing. In women, this type of sexual desire is cyclical and related to ovulation. Men with a daily hormone cycle perceive their cycle less because it is closer in time.

Another category of sexual desire is built at the emotional level. This category is more complex than the previous one because it is influenced by many aspects to varying degrees for each person. It is important not to confuse the emotional level of this category with a relational level which is another category in its own right. The distinction to be made with the category of physical sexual desire is the final sentimental element that is not necessarily related to another specific person. For example, one of the types of the emotional level is sexual desire motivated by the motivation to have a child. This desire therefore has an emotional component that is not of the biological order of procreation. The child develops with the aim of having a child of his own and often once the family is built, this type of desire can disappear. It is not specifically related to another person, which distinguishes it from the relational category. This desire is more often present in women who unfortunately lose their sexual desire once the baby is born.

Another type in this category is thedesire for penetrance. This sexual desire is motivated by a surge to have sexual relations where penetration is present and central to the activity. The sensations felt are strongly focused on the taste of penetrating or being penetrated and satisfaction will not be achieved if it is not practiced.

There is also a type of affectionate sexual desire where the person seeks to fulfill an emotional need, but which turns into sexual arousal. This is often fulfilled when we make love with a partner in a tender and gentle way. The caresses are more languorous and slow and we kiss quietly and for a long time.

Finally, erotic or carnal sexual desire is characterized by a sexual and emotional intensity where there is a deep release of one’s inhibitions and a letting go that emerges. The sexual relations initiated by this type is filled with creativity, novelty and a certain ferocity that brings the partners into a torrid exchange of sexuality and sensuality. Often shared with a long-term partner, however some people may only do so with a lover or a one-night stand.

It may be that these multiple categories and types of desire are combined together and are not exclusive of each other. Each will bring a different dynamic and approach to sexual activities and a different attitude depending on the person. They can be influenced by a variety of components such as anxiety, sexual preferences, previous experiences, our Mode of Sexual Arousal (MES), our need at the moment and the relationship with our partner. This last relational element brings us to our last category of sexual desire! Read the next article to learn more…

*texts and concepts inspired by the various books by Dr. David Schnarch and Ester Perel

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Learn more about the author

François Renaud M.A.
Sexologist & Psychotherapist Downtown Montreal

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