In a last article, we explained that communication difficulties in a couple do not exist and that we have the ability to mind-map our partners. We will now go more in-depth by describing the different types of mind-mapping possible.

Mind-mapping is our innate ability to distinguish another person’s intentions and desires by their body language, attitudes, and tone of voice. Most people claim not to have this ability because it allows them to be less vulnerable in a relationship. We can also argue about false communication problems rather than the real difficulties in the relationship and therefore avoid breakups. Mind-mapping also plays a significant role in sexuality and determines the way we are in bed.

Dealing with conflict differently

There are 4 different types of mind-mapping that can be used. There is a hierarchy to these where one must be able to practice the first type before one can do the second and so on. Not everyone can use the 4 forms of mind-mapping, but it is also possible to claim that you are not able to use them. We have already mainly described the first which is mind-tracking (tracing the plane of the other’s thoughts).

Mind-tracking consists of evaluating and judging the motives and intentions of others when they speak and act. This is the way that one can finish a person’s thought even before he finishes his sentence. We constantly unintentionally analyze body language to decode what the other person wants to tell us by noting their gaze, their movement of their hands and feet, the closing or opening of their body language and their general posture.

Everyone has this social capacity without exception. We can then determine if someone is telling the truth, trying to lie to us, or redirecting the conversation to avoid the topic. This skill also allows us to have empathy for our partner’s emotions. It allows us to determine when our partner tells us: “I’m fine” and to recognize that this is not true.

Mind-masking (masking one’s thoughts) is developed when we learn it from other people, often in our family dynamics. We can understand quite early on that there are topics of conversation that we can have and others that are taboo. We also learn in the majority of societies and in social interactions that vulnerability is a defect that must be hidden from others. Mind-masking allows partners to lie to each other without them noticing. It also works when you want to pretend that you don’t have sex out of pity (sex to avoid conflicts or hurt the other person). Mind-masking is commonly referred to as “poker face”.

A typical behavior of mind-masking is found in seduction when one of the partners pretends not to understand his partner’s sexual advances. This leads us to the third type of mind-mapping which is the implantation of false ideas.

This can be very complicated to understand and a little confusing for people who want to have “communication problems in their relationship“. However, you are probably also able to follow along, as you have mind-mapping skills described in this article. You’ve either done it yourself in the past or you’re in the process of figuring out how your partner has done it before. If you are able to give examples where your spouse has done mind-masking, you have the same ability as them and have probably done it before.

Implanting false ideas is a self-explanatory concept. It’s making your significant other believe something that is false as the truth. For example, claiming that you don’t have the ability to mind-track or mind-mask their behaviors. You implant this idea in your partner’s perception and you are believed. You have established a new rule in your relationship where you do not understand each other and have “communication difficulties“. Men with good guy syndrome are very good at implanting the idea that they are nice when they are not in reality. Women do it just as much. We can find the dynamic of implanting false ideas in all forms of couples, i.e. heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual and lesbian. Often in couples therapy, there is a dynamic where one partner has less desire than the other partner. They have sex even when they don’t have sexual desire to avoid conflict because their partner will complain that their sexual needs are not being met.

The partner with the most desire will later lie in therapy by saying that he was not aware that the other did not desire sex. Finally to confess minutes or sessions later, depending on how long they want to maintain the false idea in the couple, that they were indeed alert to this reality. They justify their actions by explaining that they would never have had sex otherwise.

The next mind-mapping skill is the most twisted. In fact, it even goes by the name: Mind-twisting .

Still intrigued by the subject? How far did you and your partner fall into the noxious spiral of normal marital sadism? There are people who will go to great lengths to gain an advantage over their partner. They will manipulate their partner to the point of crushing or hurting them emotionally so that they do not have to admit their faults and flaws. All this can be scary, but often long-term couples unfortunately succumb to the temptation of mind-twisting.

Mind-twisting requires the ability of the other three skills put together to succeed. We have to mind-tracker our partner, mind-mask and implant false ideas in the other person. The twisted part comes when you succeed in creating the illusion that the blame rests entirely on your partner when in reality it is you who is fully at fault.

This type of behavior cannot be solved by “communication techniques“. No sentence starting with “I” is going to stop this relationship from imploding. Fortunately, there are solutions to get out of it. Therapy with a professional such as a sexologist and psychotherapist can help you. This will require a lot of self-confrontation and a very critical look at your relationship and your spouse. This is no small task and will probably destroy your perception of your relationship. This experience will test your ability to maintain your integrity and solidify your emotional balance by creating a collaborative alliance with your partner rather than your lack of alliance. Therapy will push your limits that you didn’t even know and take you and your lover to another level in your relationship.

Mind-mapping does not seem at first glance to be a very relevant skill to master in a relationship. One might think that it arouses mistrust and cruel behavior in a couple. This is absolutely true! On the other hand, mind-mapping is also the way we manage to connect on a deeper and more meaningful level with our partner. Mind-mapping makes sexuality much better than just exchanging orgasms with another person.

It’s a choice to make: how will mind-mapping be used? Do you want to be vulnerable and connected with your significant other or do you want to protect your ego and vanity? You can choose only one of these two options. This often causes couples to hurt each other by using the mind-mapper rather than being connected to each other.

Learn more about the author

François Renaud M.A.
Sexologist & Psychotherapist Downtown Montreal