Masturbating in each other... How do you make love? A…
Give me an orgasm and I'll give you one too
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- Give me an orgasm and I’ll give you one too
Masturbating in each other…
How do you make love?
A sexual relationship can be defined by several criteria to judge satisfaction. We can count our orgasms, the number of positions practiced, the duration, the frequency of sexual relations and so on. In fact, we often tend to want to quantitatively measure the quality of our sexual relationships. We are looking for objective measures on which we can agree and understand each other.
This approach, on the other hand, is limiting and distorts the complexity of sexuality between two people. We can also evaluate the connection with our lover, the tone and the attitudes of each one. We can analyze the style of the sexual relationship and the emotions experienced.
- How would you describe your sexual style with your partner? (Piggy, Lovers, Tender, Intense, Perverse, Hot, Give-and-Give, Giver-Recipient, Pornographic, Erotic, Sensual)
- How do you manage to connect with each other?
- Do you have a typical scenario?
- What is a satisfying relationship for you? What are the criteria to be met?
- What is your internal dialogue while you are having sex? (Don’t say nothing, it’s impossible to think about nothing for so long)
- What is your partner thinking about while you’re having sex? Have you ever talked about it honestly? Are you afraid of answers?
These are just a few questions that can be asked to change the discourse about sexual satisfaction. Move from a quantitative to a qualitative discourse.
When sexuality is no longer going well
In my office, I regularly meet couples who have difficulty obtaining a sexuality that satisfies them. Often, they ask me for tips to make their sex more “spicy” and bring life back. That’s when I get up, open my desk drawer and show them that it’s empty. This is to illustrate that there are no tricks to make sexuality interesting. This is precisely what makes it uninteresting: wanting to have easy solutions and things to DO.
Generally, we explore together if the sexual routine has settled into their sexuality or if there is sex for pity. There is also the option where both partners masturbate into each other during sex. It is quite common that once this famous sentence has been expressed, one or both partners immediately recognize each other, discovering a more than mediocre sexuality.
An exchange of services
Let’s face it, despite the fact that it’s 2017, the myth that a couple must have sex frequently to succeed in their relationship is still very much present. This obligation, which creates enormous pressure to have sexual relations that we sometimes do not want to have, works against sexual satisfaction. It is at this stage that we can often find couples who continue to maintain an unsatisfactory sexuality to give themselves the illusion of having a sex life. They are generally content with very little with each other and themselves. The exchange of orgasms becomes the essential element of their sexual activities. As long as everyone can have their moment of genital pleasure of 6 seconds at the end… everyone is satisfied. But not really!
It sometimes becomes easier to masturbate alone without having to “offer” the other person an orgasm. We become sexually lazy and have low expectations of each other during sex. We take less pleasure from one time to the next and the sexual desire deteriorates to the point of wanting to avoid it. However, society forces us to believe that we have to have a sexuality in the couple to be happy, even if this sexuality is not pleasant for anyone.
Eat the rotten cake, it may be better next time
Will you eat a rotten cake? Me neither! So, why have a rotten sexuality and maintain it? This is often the analogy I express to my clients who practice their unsatisfying sexuality and who insist on making the same “patterns” (sex for pity, masturbation in each other, sexual routine) . If we keep the same “sexual” recipe and hope for different results, we can’t expect to be greatly surprised by the mediocre conclusion afterwards.
Change the recipe
To make changes in one’s sexuality, one must be willing to let go of the need to perform in one’s sexuality. We have to face our feeling of sexual incompetence to explore a new unknown area. As an adult, we don’t like to feel incompetent sexually. We already had this phase in adolescence following our first sexual experiences. So why do it again?
However, if we dare to feel incompetent, we also have the chance to discover a new sexuality with our partner. We change the sexual routine, we discover a whole new pleasure in sexuality that we didn’t have before. You get rid of the constant anxiety of wanting to please the other person and you feel a sense of calm never felt before.
I am pleasing myself, YOU are pleasing yourself. We please each other.
Sexual partners often make the mistake of believing that each other’s pleasure is their responsibility. Everyone is responsible for their own pleasure in a sexual relationship. If each person is concerned about their pleasure and feeds on seeing the other take pleasure, the couple benefits more from their sexuality. À Down with the pressure to give an orgasm or bring the other to seventh heaven. Everyone enjoys the moment and THEIR sensations. Being more connected to the caresses and kisses you give and receive her, sexual pleasure has more opportunities to flourish.
That said, this does not imply forgetting the other as couples who masturbate in each other tend to do. Rather, it is a dynamic where everyone is constantly giving and receiving. There is no donor or recipient. It is a present and connected sexual relationship with the other.
Discover a sexuality you really want by Reviving Sexual Desire in your relationship
A fulfilling and pleasant sex life does not happen spontaneously…
It needs to be recreated throughout your relationship.