Lack of communication or difficulty tolerating intimacy?

*The masculine and feminine have been interchanged in the text…

*The masculine and feminine have been interchanged in the text to demonstrate that these difficulties belong to both sexes

We often talk about a lack of communication in couples where arguments are frequent. On the other hand, it is wrong to say that there is a lack of communication between two people in a romantic relationship since it is in fact impossible not to communicate in a couple. Communication is verbal, but above all non-verbal. Moreover, it is rare for a message to be poorly communicated, in general, it is rather the reception of it that is poorly accepted. Partners who are constantly trying to work on communication in the couple understand each other’s thoughts very well, but rarely want to believe it. So one hammers the other in order to get the message he wants to hear. We will say that he has difficulty with intimacy. A person who tolerates the intimacy necessary in a long-term relationship is able to appreciate the similarities he or she has with his or her partner, but also the differences. In the long term, these are inevitably found in all couples. Often, the most common disagreements are about money, child-rearing, sexuality, chores around the house, and personal values.

Couples try to avoid these taboo subjects, because they don’t want to deal with the irreconcilable points in the couple. This dynamic inevitably creates surface conflicts that are by no means productive. It is normal for a couple to face conflicts of interest at some point. The important thing is to analyze the reason for the disagreement together and to understand the partner’s opinion. This allows you to base the love affair on a good relational dynamic and to learn more about yourself as well as about your loved one.

In order to divert attention from the real problem, some people blame someone or something, justify their actions with all kinds of arguments, pretend to be doing the right thing, or simply play the ignorance card. Each of these strategies works perfectly, if one is simply trying to postpone the conflict. On the other hand, sooner or later, the same difficulties come back and the couple then feels that the differences are never settled. For some, this unpleasant dynamic sometimes becomes comfortable in some ways. For many, it is easier to constantly argue about the same themes than to accept the reality that presents itself in front of them. Our partner simply has different values, opinions, attitudes, behaviors and/or beliefs than we do. This concept, as simple as it may seem, is often difficult to put into practice when a person is face to face.

Conflicts in a relationship are inevitable, but they just need to be managed properly. It is necessary to have good self-knowledge and self-esteem and to be both firm on some points but also flexible on others when a difficult subject is raised. People who have difficulty with intimacy are either very rigid in their words because they perceive the other’s difference as a threat to their identity (beliefs, opinions, values, etc.) or easily influenced to refrain from having their own identity and create differences.

It often happens that a conflict is not resolved at the first discussion. Moreover, it allows each of the partners to reflect on the other’s words and to come back to dialogue. Compromise always leaves one or both people with a bitter taste, as they have to bend to the other. It is therefore necessary to find a consensus where both parties get what they want. For this reason, it will be important to be flexible with your opinions, values, and beliefs, without feeling threatened in your identity.

Finally, when a couple faces their differences, it is essential to manage the intimacy that develops between the two. To do this, we must first accept that our partner is a person in his or her own right and different from us. We must manage the anxiety that emanates from conflicts by staying true to our convictions, taking the time to consider the other person and introspecting on ourselves in order to create a consensus rather than a compromise. It is not the differences and similarities between the partners that determine the success of a couple, but how we manage them and the perception we have of our lover during the process.

Lack of communication does not exist

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