Sexual desire is a feeling that pushes us towards the other person so that we can meet a need. Everyone’s desire is activated by various factors like love, pleasure, masculinity, femininity, physical traits, personality, etc. Sexual desire evolves according to the age of the individuals and the duration of a couple. The majority of couples start with a high level of sexual desire that solidifies the romantic bond between the partners. The beginning of a romantic relationship is often described as being very passionate and filled with sexual fulfillment. Subsequently, an attachment is established that reinforces a sense of security in the couple. It’s not uncommon to find a sexual routine that has solidified at this stage of the relationship. At this stage, a large majority of couples may find themselves lacking desire, whether in one or both of the partners. This situation is quite normal and, in a way, desirable.

First, we must recognize that we may tend to take our partner for granted. For example, asking our partner if he or she wants to have sex right before bed, without having seduced him or her during the evening, does not show much interest, because the other person has not really put in the effort. There are various reasons for our lack of sexual creativity. We may be afraid that the other person will reject us , of appearing ridiculous, of being embarrassed, etc. As a result, our self-esteem in our ability to seduce our partner is hurt. So we prefer to put as little effort as possible to avoid injury. For example, a person who would use his or her major assets to seduce their partner to receive in return a: “I don’t feel like it tonight!” . will be much more disappointed than the person who only proposes sex at bedtime.

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Couples who will succeed in overcoming this ordeal can use a few tricks to help them. First, you have to be willing to take risks and get out of your comfort zone. To be able to develop our sexual maturity, we have to get out of the known areas and experience a certain discomfort, even if it means encountering pitfalls on our way. We must learn to accept our discomfort, our clumsiness and dare to show ourselves naked, in the figurative and non-figurative sense of the term, in front of our partner. It is therefore necessary to integrate a higher level of intimacy despite its anxiety-provoking factor. If we agree to demonstrate to our partner our preferences, our fantasies and our deepest sexual desires, we must tolerate that he or she does not share the same pleasures.

It must be understood that the introduction of novelty into the couple’s sexuality is always unilateral. Sometimes we have to shake up our partner’s comfort zone to access a more fulfilling sexuality. However, this does not mean that we should force our partner to engage in sexual activities that he or she does not want to undertake. We must understand that changing our sexual scenarios requires a certain effort and that we must not accept that our partner decides to stagnate in his or her sexual development. Each partner has the role of constantly pushing their own limits of comfort to sexuality and that of their partner. Otherwise, it is inevitable that the quality of the couple’s sex life will decrease and the sexual desire will disappear.

To conclude, here are three short sentences summarizing the previous elements. If we don’t go for what we want, we’ll never get it. If you never ask, the answer will always be “NO”. If we don’t take the first steps, we will always stay in the same place. Seize the opportunity that presents itself to you when you no longer have sexual desire for your partner!

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