Open relationship: what’s in it for you

Mentalities are changing and, with them, the configurations of the couple. Although for a majority the traditional monogamous duo remains the sacrosanct pattern of the couple, a newcomer is beginning to make its nest in our Western societies and to interfere in our daily love routine. Its name? The free relationship or the open couple. For those of you who would hear about it for the first time, it is a love relationship in which sexual and/or romantic exclusivity no longer has its place: everyone is free to dispose of their body as they wish, to indulge in affairs of one night or more, without the sustainability of their relationship being called into question. Some will cry scandal and decadence, others will rejoice at this evolution of morals. A solution that will not please everyone, but which still has the merit of having a number of advantages. Intrigued?

You’ll argue less with your partner

The notion of fidelity inherent in marriage is enshrined in the French Civil Code (article 212) and the Quebec Civil Code (article 392). By extension, monogamy appears to be the basis of the couple, married or not… This is not without generating some complications.

Exclusivity seems to imply a certain mutually maintained possessiveness between the two spouses: each is “authorized” to give himself only to the other. Trust and mistrust are neck and neck in the relationship. This is how many domestic scenes break out in response to the suspicions of the man or woman. And this, whether the doubts are justified or not. Asking your other half more or less abruptly where he/she spent the evening and with whom only responds to a need to be reassured and to appease your jealousy, but can hurt your spouse if he/she feels that you are questioning his/her trust and integrity. And the situation can quickly degenerate if it turns out that the suspicions of one were well-founded: let’s remember that infidelity is the first cause of divorce, and that the search for legal evidence of adultery is one of the most requested investigations of private detectives (a link for the possible interested parties).

Thus, if exclusivity within the couple is no longer perceived as a reciprocal duty, the threat of deception no longer has any reason to exist and frees the couple from certain sources of tension. However, you have to be careful, because each opening of a couple comes with the negotiation of the rules of behavior not to be crossed. Infidelity can still exist in open relationships. You can always consult a sexologist psychotherapist to help you discuss your expectations and needs in this regard.

Things to consider when opening up your relationship

You will enjoy a great feeling of freedom

Some people find it relatively difficult to get involved with a person for fear of having their spirit of independence stifled. A symbolism no doubt largely maintained by the institution of marriage, materialized by the passage of wedding rings on the finger and the legal obligations of union…

After the first days of passionate love and sexual communion, it is not uncommon to be tempted to look elsewhere to see if the grass is greener – out of a desire for change, new experiences or simply to find some reassuring room for maneuver – without wanting to put your recent relationship in the hot seat. A need quickly curbed by the diktat of fashionable morality and the rules of decorum that accompany it… which is likely to degenerate into frustration.

At the same time, the unpleasant impression that one’s body is a temple “reserved” for one’s other half can develop (a feeling that will of course depend on the person and their relationship to the body). It is not difficult to imagine certain sexual liberation movements (especially feminism) making common-law unions their war horse.

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You can be more sexually fulfilled

We all have avowed or unconfessed fantasies, and you are no exception to the rule. This is a completely natural behavior. Nevertheless, many people give up on making their sexual fantasies come true, especially for fear of the judgment of the other person or out of guilt, and settle for routine lovemaking that is unable to calm their appetites. Of course, the importance of communication within the couple, especially when it comes to sexuality, cannot be overstated. But living your fantasies to the fullest sometimes involves sharing them with the right person and getting out of the routine. This is the very principle of fantasy, which feeds on the transgression of “codes” and “forbiddens”.

It is therefore very likely that embarking on a common-law union would allow you to give free rein to your imagination, to live new enriching sexual experiences and to discover new avenues to explore later on with your “permanent” partner. However, we must ask ourselves why we cannot live our fantasies with our partner of the moment.

On the other hand, the little libertinages scattered throughout the relationship are likely to boost your libido and spur your desire for your partner, and this is all the more legitimate if your adventures do not involve betrayal or secrecy. Conversely, adultery leads in the majority of cases to the pure and simple explosion of the couple; In a few rare cases, however, it happens that he makes the duo start again on a new phase of more intense sexual understanding.

You will gain self-confidence

The absence of an obligation of exclusivity means the absence of secrecy and consequently, a clear conscience. In a traditional couple, unconfessed infidelity and the guilt that follows can become a real time bomb for your health (and your relationship, of course). The open couple allows you to live your sex and love life in complete serenity, without questioning yourself.

In addition, very often, after several years of monogamous relationship, routine sets in and the passion for the beginnings gradually loses ground in favor of a mutual tenderness. An evolution that can push you to doubt your power of seduction and hurt your self-esteem. Sometimes a sign of a difficulty in tolerating a more intense and important intimacy that is only found in a long-term monogamous relationship.

In fact, sleeping with other lovers has the advantage of flattering your own self-esteem and restoring your self-confidence: yes, contrary to what you might think, you are still capable of being the object of desire! A golden opportunity to discover or deepen other parts of your personality and to flourish. It’s a safe bet that you’ll smile at yourself much more often in the mirror! You should hardly believe that the opening of your relationship will be all beautiful and glitchless. Several discussions will be necessary to maintain respect in the couple and jealousy can also be a major issue in this new status of couple.

Article proposed by Hélène (https://investipole.fr/detectives-lyon/) in collaboration with François Renaud M.A, sexologist and psychotherapist.