Your sexual incompetence will lead you to greater satisfaction in your sexuality. This is a necessary step whether you like it or not. When you’re a young teenager, you don’t have the greatest confidence in your sexual abilities. On the other hand, as an adult, we imagine that we have acquired everything to now do a “good job”. Well, no!

The first time…

We develop a certain confidence the more we practice and adapt to our sexuality. We discover sexual talents and skills that we doubted at the beginning of our first sexual encounters. This trust is useful because it allows us to explore more and be less worried with our sexual partners. This feeling is temporary, however, because it is inevitable that one day you will find yourself in a new situation where your sexual knowledge and learning will not be useful in these circumstances. For many, this feeling of sexual incompetence takes them back to their first experience related to sexuality with a partner, which was not at all comfortable or glorifying.

You have TWO choices in your sexuality

To face your insecurities or not, that is the question… or the answer I know too much. In short, there are all kinds of ways to deal with the moment when this awful feeling of incompetence emerges. Generally, it happens after several years of sexual “success” where everything works well and poof! Suddenly, your techniques and knowledge fail you. The stimulation that you offer to the other person is less effective, even almost useless in arousing him. You frantically search for how to get there, it increases your stress. Your partner senses your worries and feels guilty for making you feel ugly.

Repeat this experience repeatedly, which only increases apprehension and usually kills sexual desire in your relationship. You are now in the middle of the opportunity of your life with regard to your sexuality. It’s time to learn new sexual skills that will push you to your sexuality 2.0.

Listen to the show in catch-up by clicking on the link:

Radio-Canada show with Pénéloppe Mcquade

How Feeling Sexually Incompetent Leads to Sexual Satisfaction

Become a master of sex

First lesson to become a master of sexuality… Dramatic Drum Music, please… You won’t control anything! When you understand that no sexual technique will make you and the other happy, you will now be able to explore sexuality in all its forms. “Huh! what… but what useless advice” I hear some people telling you right now.

Sexual intercourse is not a series of techniques to be applied to achieve the famous and extraordinary orgasm. It is a question of offering the other person his full presence and taking pleasure in each stimulation and moment of sexual complicity with the other.

It’s so simple and so complicated at the same time

Have you ever meditated or done yoga? Do mindfulness exercises or any other method of zenitude? If so, you’re halfway to a more fulfilled sexuality. Meditating alone is a difficult activity in itself for many, doing it at the same time as you are having sex and want to involve the other person in the process requires good self-knowledge and tolerance at a high level of emotional intensity.

Being with yourself during a sexual relationship requires you to confront your insecurities that present themselves through the internal discourse you have with yourself during this erotic activity. Have you ever taken the time to listen to what’s going on in your head during sex? If not, it’s time to listen to you… It’s usually not very calm and soothing, especially if you’ve started feeling incompetent in your sexuality recently.

PROGRAM: REKINDLING SEXUAL DESIRE

Learning to accept sexual incompetence

When you accept that you are still incompetent in sexuality and that you are constantly learning about sexuality and your human relationships, you can move on to “LEVEL” 2. The problem is not the feeling of incompetence, but the way you perceive this feeling and your management of it. If you’re perpetually trying to get rid of it, you’re probably running to your doom like a dog that wants to bite its own tail. Either you’ll never make it, or when you bite your tail, you’ll hurt. #lifechoices

During your next sexual relationship:

• Listen to your feelings and emotions
• Recognize that you don’t always know what to do to please the other person
• Soothes negative comments you make about yourself or your partner who doesn’t get as excited as you want
• Touch with intention
• Focus on your beloved’s knowing gaze
• Be adventurous and try new things, without knowing the result

François Renaud M.A.

Sexologist Psychotherapist Montreal

Specialized in couples therapy

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